Greeley and Complete divorce – both remarry

Just three months after tying the knot, Ozzy rapper Greeley has divorced his inbred gay rapper husband Complete. The BIG GREELZ asked for a divorce early yesterday morning, and although he did not specify the reason, a Facebook post from 11:36 that same morning (Tassie time, NOT Perth) suggested that it may have been influenced by flavour.

The divorce was made official at 12:20. In the divorce statement, Greelz implied that him and Shelly Boy (Complete) had been “eating different brands of instant noodles”, a marriage crime that the mere thought of brings tears to my eyes.

Shelly was quick to find new love, hooking up with the even more inbred Tassie rapper who goes by the name of Dunn D. The pair married at 5 PM. Later that night, Greelz released his diss track “No More Mr Nice Greelz”, a parody of Complete’s own diss track “Mr Nice Guy”. Within a minute of the track’s release, Greeley married Michael David South, some guy who CNN knows nothing about who was pictured with Greelz on a jetski earlier this year. He described his actions as “revenge marriage”, saying that “2 can play at this game”.

Above: The leaked picture of Greeley that made Complete jealous and caused some domestic violence.

It is believed that some of these events may have been influenced by alcohol intake, as Greelz woke up with a hangover this morning and created the following Facebook post:

Disclaimer: Screenshot was sent in by another journalist who helped document this. I do not “Love” react.

On top of this, Greelz has already divorced his new husband. At 4:19 PM this arvo just gone, he made a public service announcement with the following piece of life advice:

Look everyone…
If I ever have any advice to give you…
Revenge Marriage doesn’t work out very well!
I tried with Alertz but could only last a day…
He just carries on too much…

So, apparently this Michael David South guy also goes by the name of Alertz, but don’t take my word for it.

In the divorce hearing, Alertz admitted that he had only dated Greelz because he had a crush on Kerser. Greelz stated that he was “not phased” by this and that it was not the first time someone used him to get to Kerser. In response to this, underground rapper and part time porn star KoolB teased the idea of some footage of the two surfacing on Pornhub, but this is unlikely as Kerser is in jail for arson at the moment.

Here at TripHopz, we are nothing short of sad that Oz hip-hop’s first same sex marraige didn’t last, but we are optimistic about the future and wish nothing but the best for Complete and Dunn D, our second same sex marriage.

Verbalize arrested for streaking in Perth

Ozzy freestyle god Verbalise has been recently sighted running in the buff around the meth capital of Western Australia. The naked man is famous for his nude freestyles around his local streets, which he regularly posts on Facebook. People often dismiss these stunts as good acting, as no one has ever caught him in the act until last week when he was stupid enough to do it at dusk, when all the junkies are out, ready to get stoned.

The bloke is honestly a legend who made a slightly poor decision. His first arrest was for freestyling to a dope beat that he made all by himself that was too boom bappy (too real) for the streets. Next, his weight was clowned down as he hadn’t yet eaten.

But don’t take my word for it.

New candies Eminems and MGKs send the whole world into a craze

Editor’s note: This article is about American junk food so don’t feel like we’re being unAustralian by using the term “candy”.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably wondered at some point why your news feed is full of posts that use words you don’t understand like “Eminem” or “MGK”. Well it turns out that new candy brand MGK is beefing with legendary brand Eminem, who recently changed their name from M&M, which they were known as for a long time. The beef started back in 1997 when MGK called one of M&M’s workers Hailie “hot as fuck”. But before we go into detail, you might need to know some stuff about both brands.

Eminem is an award winning candy brand from Mars that was established during medieval times under the name M&M, which took after the initials of Marshall Mathers, the founder of the company. Skip forward to the twenty-first century when worker Slim Shady suggested that they should change their name to Eminem because “good companies always have actual words in their brand names” as he said in a posthumous interview with CNN. In 2009, M&M changed their brand name in respect to the late worker who committed suicide in 2004 during the curtains down stage of an encore.

MGK is a more recent brand that was established in 1990 but didn’t get much recognition until 2018 when Eminems were being dropped by some surprise kamikaze pilot who called out MGK. Three days later, Kelly the Rap Devil fired at Eminem with his machine gun. Nearly two weeks later, Eminem dropped their new product KILLSHOT, which sold 38 MILLION units within a DAY!!! Apparently it’s some kind of trap, and others say that it’s fire, but to me it just tastes like regular Eminems.

Based on these wicked facts, Eminem must have won the beef – although it is extremely odd that a candy brand would have “beef” with each other, especially since their products are basically vegan friendly – but we can only wait to see what MGK brings for us in the future.

Don’t take my word for it.