Greeley and Complete divorce – both remarry

Just three months after tying the knot, Ozzy rapper Greeley has divorced his inbred gay rapper husband Complete. The BIG GREELZ asked for a divorce early yesterday morning, and although he did not specify the reason, a Facebook post from 11:36 that same morning (Tassie time, NOT Perth) suggested that it may have been influenced by flavour.

The divorce was made official at 12:20. In the divorce statement, Greelz implied that him and Shelly Boy (Complete) had been “eating different brands of instant noodles”, a marriage crime that the mere thought of brings tears to my eyes.

Shelly was quick to find new love, hooking up with the even more inbred Tassie rapper who goes by the name of Dunn D. The pair married at 5 PM. Later that night, Greelz released his diss track “No More Mr Nice Greelz”, a parody of Complete’s own diss track “Mr Nice Guy”. Within a minute of the track’s release, Greeley married Michael David South, some guy who CNN knows nothing about who was pictured with Greelz on a jetski earlier this year. He described his actions as “revenge marriage”, saying that “2 can play at this game”.

Above: The leaked picture of Greeley that made Complete jealous and caused some domestic violence.

It is believed that some of these events may have been influenced by alcohol intake, as Greelz woke up with a hangover this morning and created the following Facebook post:

Disclaimer: Screenshot was sent in by another journalist who helped document this. I do not “Love” react.

On top of this, Greelz has already divorced his new husband. At 4:19 PM this arvo just gone, he made a public service announcement with the following piece of life advice:

Look everyone…
If I ever have any advice to give you…
Revenge Marriage doesn’t work out very well!
I tried with Alertz but could only last a day…
He just carries on too much…

So, apparently this Michael David South guy also goes by the name of Alertz, but don’t take my word for it.

In the divorce hearing, Alertz admitted that he had only dated Greelz because he had a crush on Kerser. Greelz stated that he was “not phased” by this and that it was not the first time someone used him to get to Kerser. In response to this, underground rapper and part time porn star KoolB teased the idea of some footage of the two surfacing on Pornhub, but this is unlikely as Kerser is in jail for arson at the moment.

Here at TripHopz, we are nothing short of sad that Oz hip-hop’s first same sex marraige didn’t last, but we are optimistic about the future and wish nothing but the best for Complete and Dunn D, our second same sex marriage.

Greeley and Complete married

Oz hip-hop legend Greeley has officially tied the knot with the love of his life, a rapper who goes by the name of Complete. The marriage was confirmed by Greeley himself in a recent Facebook post. At TripHopz, we support this incredible news and wish the Tasmanian cousins all the best with their new married life.

Greeley’s best man Dunn D described his role as the “offical celebrant for this special moment” [sic] as an honour. However, he is now copping flack from the LGBT community for selecting the “Haha” react on the marriage confirmation post. Greeley though, does not appear to be holding a grudge over it, as he is currently leading a campaign to get Dunn’s new album to number one.

The couple decided to tie the knot after Greelz was freed from jail after “serving” a period of time which included the release of Complete’s debut album which they took ten years to make. It is believed that Greeley was hesitant to marry his lover while they didn’t have an album to their name. Sort of like getting engaged to a virgin, there never seemed to be the right time to make it happen when it wasn’t awkward.

But don’t take my word for it.

The truth behind our human race’s origin, and where we will end up in the future

Everyone wants to know where they came from, right? Well, most people do know, but what they tend to not know is where their early ancestors came from.

The truth is that no life began on Earth, all life crash landed from elsewhere. Dogs, cats and hippies were created in the Big Bang (which was fake) and swam around in nothingness until they found planets. They spread themselves between about 400 different planets (it’s funny because even numbers didn’t exist back then).

So on these different planets, they evolved differently, due to the different atmospheres, so when we see dogs and cats from different planets, they look nothing like our precious pets, except for those who came from alternate Earths, planets that coincidentally have similar atmospheres and similar dog and cat evolutions.

On heavily differing planets, these animals evolved with different body structures, one of which developed the arms and legs that we have today and the genius brains we now lack, and others of which grew fat bodies, long necks, stripy skin, and many more features that we are yet to see on Earth. So those animal species we now know are basically just differently evolved dogs and cats, some of which relocated to Planet Earth as we know it today, others found other planets and re-evolved in accordance to their atmospheres. In conclusion, the super-intelligent brains that the humans we are once had probably exist in similar animals with slightly different forms.

Dancing Alien X Files GIF by Polyvinyl Records

Above: A late species of what we now know as dogs from a nearby planet

So where might we end up in the future? Well, scientists are desperate to narrow down our options for future residence, so we need to act quickly in cashing in on places they haven’t found yet.

The most realistic option (unfortunately) is plain old, boring old Mars at this stage. But if you check the planet’s fast facts from our very own CNN, you’ll have a great understanding of how the not so distant planet could accommodate modern Earth’s expensive taste.

But here at CNN, we also believe that exoplanets are more liveable than our own planet. So our recently discovered second exoplanet could very well likely be more desirable than Mars for our future life, if we do happen to get bored of Earth.

As always, don’t take my word for it.

GoFundMe page to support local rapper hit with $2000 fine

Teenage backpack mumble raper Trippie XO (from Castlemaine) has been arrested and fined for vandalising school tables with his rapper name (which he stole). Moreso than his tag and his infamous Soundcloud rap songs, this ranga is famous for his gay Instagram selfies, every one of which involves a phone covering his mouth.

Capture

Besides, he’s set up an OFFICIAL GoFoundMe page to raise $2000 in order to pay off the fine. The article reads:

Sketchy Castlemaine rap dude Trippie XO has copped a big arse fine for doing some dumb shit that involves writing his name in a sexy font in tables across his school. This bloke is a bloody ripper and deserves to force us to pay off the fine for him. Donate ya pockets, clout goggles, guns, drugs, hoes and money to show ya support for him.

So the best option at this stage would probably be to do what the article says, as Trippie XO will probably be soon to move on to proper graffiti in the real world and get arrested for real and he’ll get shot so the money will end up going towards real Aussie rap.

gun

But don’t take my word for it.