Greeley and Complete divorce – both remarry

Just three months after tying the knot, Ozzy rapper Greeley has divorced his inbred gay rapper husband Complete. The BIG GREELZ asked for a divorce early yesterday morning, and although he did not specify the reason, a Facebook post from 11:36 that same morning (Tassie time, NOT Perth) suggested that it may have been influenced by flavour.

The divorce was made official at 12:20. In the divorce statement, Greelz implied that him and Shelly Boy (Complete) had been “eating different brands of instant noodles”, a marriage crime that the mere thought of brings tears to my eyes.

Shelly was quick to find new love, hooking up with the even more inbred Tassie rapper who goes by the name of Dunn D. The pair married at 5 PM. Later that night, Greelz released his diss track “No More Mr Nice Greelz”, a parody of Complete’s own diss track “Mr Nice Guy”. Within a minute of the track’s release, Greeley married Michael David South, some guy who CNN knows nothing about who was pictured with Greelz on a jetski earlier this year. He described his actions as “revenge marriage”, saying that “2 can play at this game”.

Above: The leaked picture of Greeley that made Complete jealous and caused some domestic violence.

It is believed that some of these events may have been influenced by alcohol intake, as Greelz woke up with a hangover this morning and created the following Facebook post:

Disclaimer: Screenshot was sent in by another journalist who helped document this. I do not “Love” react.

On top of this, Greelz has already divorced his new husband. At 4:19 PM this arvo just gone, he made a public service announcement with the following piece of life advice:

Look everyone…
If I ever have any advice to give you…
Revenge Marriage doesn’t work out very well!
I tried with Alertz but could only last a day…
He just carries on too much…

So, apparently this Michael David South guy also goes by the name of Alertz, but don’t take my word for it.

In the divorce hearing, Alertz admitted that he had only dated Greelz because he had a crush on Kerser. Greelz stated that he was “not phased” by this and that it was not the first time someone used him to get to Kerser. In response to this, underground rapper and part time porn star KoolB teased the idea of some footage of the two surfacing on Pornhub, but this is unlikely as Kerser is in jail for arson at the moment.

Here at TripHopz, we are nothing short of sad that Oz hip-hop’s first same sex marraige didn’t last, but we are optimistic about the future and wish nothing but the best for Complete and Dunn D, our second same sex marriage.

Greeley and Complete married

Oz hip-hop legend Greeley has officially tied the knot with the love of his life, a rapper who goes by the name of Complete. The marriage was confirmed by Greeley himself in a recent Facebook post. At TripHopz, we support this incredible news and wish the Tasmanian cousins all the best with their new married life.

Greeley’s best man Dunn D described his role as the “offical celebrant for this special moment” [sic] as an honour. However, he is now copping flack from the LGBT community for selecting the “Haha” react on the marriage confirmation post. Greeley though, does not appear to be holding a grudge over it, as he is currently leading a campaign to get Dunn’s new album to number one.

The couple decided to tie the knot after Greelz was freed from jail after “serving” a period of time which included the release of Complete’s debut album which they took ten years to make. It is believed that Greeley was hesitant to marry his lover while they didn’t have an album to their name. Sort of like getting engaged to a virgin, there never seemed to be the right time to make it happen when it wasn’t awkward.

But don’t take my word for it.

The truth behind our human race’s origin, and where we will end up in the future

Everyone wants to know where they came from, right? Well, most people do know, but what they tend to not know is where their early ancestors came from.

The truth is that no life began on Earth, all life crash landed from elsewhere. Dogs, cats and hippies were created in the Big Bang (which was fake) and swam around in nothingness until they found planets. They spread themselves between about 400 different planets (it’s funny because even numbers didn’t exist back then).

So on these different planets, they evolved differently, due to the different atmospheres, so when we see dogs and cats from different planets, they look nothing like our precious pets, except for those who came from alternate Earths, planets that coincidentally have similar atmospheres and similar dog and cat evolutions.

On heavily differing planets, these animals evolved with different body structures, one of which developed the arms and legs that we have today and the genius brains we now lack, and others of which grew fat bodies, long necks, stripy skin, and many more features that we are yet to see on Earth. So those animal species we now know are basically just differently evolved dogs and cats, some of which relocated to Planet Earth as we know it today, others found other planets and re-evolved in accordance to their atmospheres. In conclusion, the super-intelligent brains that the humans we are once had probably exist in similar animals with slightly different forms.

Dancing Alien X Files GIF by Polyvinyl Records

Above: A late species of what we now know as dogs from a nearby planet

So where might we end up in the future? Well, scientists are desperate to narrow down our options for future residence, so we need to act quickly in cashing in on places they haven’t found yet.

The most realistic option (unfortunately) is plain old, boring old Mars at this stage. But if you check the planet’s fast facts from our very own CNN, you’ll have a great understanding of how the not so distant planet could accommodate modern Earth’s expensive taste.

But here at CNN, we also believe that exoplanets are more liveable than our own planet. So our recently discovered second exoplanet could very well likely be more desirable than Mars for our future life, if we do happen to get bored of Earth.

As always, don’t take my word for it.

Conor McGregor to be in AFL draft

Upon announcing his martial arts retirement via popular announcement service Twitter, Irish boxing person Conor McGregor has been rumoured to be on his way to Australia, most likely for the AFL Draft, which for some reason is the go-to place for most Irish immigrants.

Above: Conor McGregor at the 2018 Brownlow Medal

At just 24 years old and 175 cm tall, McGregor will be a surefire contender as an upcoming midfielder with an attitude. Plus, he’ll fit in, as swearing at umpires has become a new trend in the AFL, and the game’s getting a bit boring with the new rule changes, so a punch-on might spice things up a bit. Luckily for McGregor, these rules don’t specify any prohibition of violence.

McGregor will potentially be featured in one lucky team’s list for the 2020 AFL season. If we’re really lucky, he might even get drafted mid-season (probably into Collingwood, so he can force people to support him by knocking their teeth out).

But in the end, only time will tell what awaits this young midfielder.

“Egg Boy” to be in running for prime minister

Following a controversial debate as to whether the Mingler Party, lead by our saviour Will Connolly, should be allowed to run the country, statistics show that their votes would account for more than 70% of all Australians.

Above: Our hero Will Connolly surrounded by his very protective bodyguards

By smashing an egg on racist dickhead Fraser Anning’s head, Connolly rose to power and gained a huge following party on Facebook, where people have been campaigning to throw an egg at Anning on March 31st. Victoria Police have been in full support of these actions, and some officers have been bodyguarding the man voluntarily.

If the Mingler Party rises to power and gets elected on the coming May election, Will Connolly will be likely be named Prime Minister of Australia, meaning that we’ll actually have someone decent in power for a change. You can support the Will Connolly movement by throwing an egg at Fraser Anning or posting on Facebook.

But don’t take my word for it.

Celebrity schoolgirl missing

Iconic Austrian school girl teenager Ellen Barba has gone missing today. Her parents suggest that she saw a cupcake and chased after it shortly before disappearing. CNN suggests that she was rather running away from school and didn’t want to take tests.

If you have sighted this 13 year old person, please contact Victoria Police on Twitter.