Greeley and Complete divorce – both remarry

Just three months after tying the knot, Ozzy rapper Greeley has divorced his inbred gay rapper husband Complete. The BIG GREELZ asked for a divorce early yesterday morning, and although he did not specify the reason, a Facebook post from 11:36 that same morning (Tassie time, NOT Perth) suggested that it may have been influenced by flavour.

The divorce was made official at 12:20. In the divorce statement, Greelz implied that him and Shelly Boy (Complete) had been “eating different brands of instant noodles”, a marriage crime that the mere thought of brings tears to my eyes.

Shelly was quick to find new love, hooking up with the even more inbred Tassie rapper who goes by the name of Dunn D. The pair married at 5 PM. Later that night, Greelz released his diss track “No More Mr Nice Greelz”, a parody of Complete’s own diss track “Mr Nice Guy”. Within a minute of the track’s release, Greeley married Michael David South, some guy who CNN knows nothing about who was pictured with Greelz on a jetski earlier this year. He described his actions as “revenge marriage”, saying that “2 can play at this game”.

Above: The leaked picture of Greeley that made Complete jealous and caused some domestic violence.

It is believed that some of these events may have been influenced by alcohol intake, as Greelz woke up with a hangover this morning and created the following Facebook post:

Disclaimer: Screenshot was sent in by another journalist who helped document this. I do not “Love” react.

On top of this, Greelz has already divorced his new husband. At 4:19 PM this arvo just gone, he made a public service announcement with the following piece of life advice:

Look everyone…
If I ever have any advice to give you…
Revenge Marriage doesn’t work out very well!
I tried with Alertz but could only last a day…
He just carries on too much…

So, apparently this Michael David South guy also goes by the name of Alertz, but don’t take my word for it.

In the divorce hearing, Alertz admitted that he had only dated Greelz because he had a crush on Kerser. Greelz stated that he was “not phased” by this and that it was not the first time someone used him to get to Kerser. In response to this, underground rapper and part time porn star KoolB teased the idea of some footage of the two surfacing on Pornhub, but this is unlikely as Kerser is in jail for arson at the moment.

Here at TripHopz, we are nothing short of sad that Oz hip-hop’s first same sex marraige didn’t last, but we are optimistic about the future and wish nothing but the best for Complete and Dunn D, our second same sex marriage.

Greeley and Complete married

Oz hip-hop legend Greeley has officially tied the knot with the love of his life, a rapper who goes by the name of Complete. The marriage was confirmed by Greeley himself in a recent Facebook post. At TripHopz, we support this incredible news and wish the Tasmanian cousins all the best with their new married life.

Greeley’s best man Dunn D described his role as the “offical celebrant for this special moment” [sic] as an honour. However, he is now copping flack from the LGBT community for selecting the “Haha” react on the marriage confirmation post. Greeley though, does not appear to be holding a grudge over it, as he is currently leading a campaign to get Dunn’s new album to number one.

The couple decided to tie the knot after Greelz was freed from jail after “serving” a period of time which included the release of Complete’s debut album which they took ten years to make. It is believed that Greeley was hesitant to marry his lover while they didn’t have an album to their name. Sort of like getting engaged to a virgin, there never seemed to be the right time to make it happen when it wasn’t awkward.

But don’t take my word for it.

Tasmanian man performs abortion on cousin with a pair of nail clippers

While it seems that there have been no abortion clinics in Tasmania for ages, Tasmanian people who are too poor to go to proper Australia for an abortion have been coming up with creative ways to stop their relatives from giving birth.

One particular man, by the name of Dick Lonergan from Launceston (way better than Hobart), who impregnated his cousin Emily late last year, attempted abortion by sticking a chainsaw in the womb to decapitate the foetus, who snatched the chainsaw and started attacking its father. Dick would later come back with a pair of nail clippers and choked his unborn child to death.

When questioned about the incident by Victoria Police, Dick said the following:

Emily was complaining about the baby kicking her from inside, and I knew I had to do something it because she is my favourite cousin. That little prick doesn’t deserve a chance at life and nobody who causes such pain for their mother and second cousin before birth has potential to be a good person.

Images of the incident are far to graphic for CNN’s standards, so you’re going to have to take my word for it this time around.