Greeley and Complete married

Oz hip-hop legend Greeley has officially tied the knot with the love of his life, a rapper who goes by the name of Complete. The marriage was confirmed by Greeley himself in a recent Facebook post. At TripHopz, we support this incredible news and wish the Tasmanian cousins all the best with their new married life.

Greeley’s best man Dunn D described his role as the “offical celebrant for this special moment” [sic] as an honour. However, he is now copping flack from the LGBT community for selecting the “Haha” react on the marriage confirmation post. Greeley though, does not appear to be holding a grudge over it, as he is currently leading a campaign to get Dunn’s new album to number one.

The couple decided to tie the knot after Greelz was freed from jail after “serving” a period of time which included the release of Complete’s debut album which they took ten years to make. It is believed that Greeley was hesitant to marry his lover while they didn’t have an album to their name. Sort of like getting engaged to a virgin, there never seemed to be the right time to make it happen when it wasn’t awkward.

But don’t take my word for it.

GoFundMe page to support local rapper hit with $2000 fine

Teenage backpack mumble raper Trippie XO (from Castlemaine) has been arrested and fined for vandalising school tables with his rapper name (which he stole). Moreso than his tag and his infamous Soundcloud rap songs, this ranga is famous for his gay Instagram selfies, every one of which involves a phone covering his mouth.

Capture

Besides, he’s set up an OFFICIAL GoFoundMe page to raise $2000 in order to pay off the fine. The article reads:

Sketchy Castlemaine rap dude Trippie XO has copped a big arse fine for doing some dumb shit that involves writing his name in a sexy font in tables across his school. This bloke is a bloody ripper and deserves to force us to pay off the fine for him. Donate ya pockets, clout goggles, guns, drugs, hoes and money to show ya support for him.

So the best option at this stage would probably be to do what the article says, as Trippie XO will probably be soon to move on to proper graffiti in the real world and get arrested for real and he’ll get shot so the money will end up going towards real Aussie rap.

gun

But don’t take my word for it.

Verbalize arrested for streaking in Perth

Ozzy freestyle god Verbalise has been recently sighted running in the buff around the meth capital of Western Australia. The naked man is famous for his nude freestyles around his local streets, which he regularly posts on Facebook. People often dismiss these stunts as good acting, as no one has ever caught him in the act until last week when he was stupid enough to do it at dusk, when all the junkies are out, ready to get stoned.

The bloke is honestly a legend who made a slightly poor decision. His first arrest was for freestyling to a dope beat that he made all by himself that was too boom bappy (too real) for the streets. Next, his weight was clowned down as he hadn’t yet eaten.

But don’t take my word for it.

Dr. Seuss dead at 73

Legendary children’s rapper Dr. Seuss has died from a series of strokes. He was rushed to Dr. Dre (who is apparently NOT a colleague of his) but was unable to be revived.

RIP Dr Seuss (1995-1599)

Dr. Seuss was basically the child of gangsta rap. He will be remembered for his 1960 smash hit “Green Eggs And Ham” and multi-platinum album Oh The Thinks You Can Think, which was his debut record released on Obese Records.

He was one half of the legendary duo Bad Meats Evil along with 50 Cent, which was one of the first recognised vegan hip hop acts, and a member of the KRS-One posse.

Dr. Seuss was actually first reported to be dead back in 1973, but these were just creatively constructed rumours from his haters, before starting a death hoax was as easy as posting rubbish on Twitter. Speaking of Twitter, here are some of the tweets that were sent out by people with VERIFIED accounts that confirmed the media personality’s death:

Disclaimer: Turns out that Kerser got unverified by Victoria Police, but don’t worry, it’s all fine.

End of the Gucci Gang era

Japanese rapper Lil Pump has died after being brutally assassinated. The body of the rapper was found by Victoria Police and taken to the circus, where they presumed he belonged. After the circus confirmed that it was NOT one of their clowns, the body was taken to jail, where it was recognised and identified as LIL PUMP! His death was instantly followed by his boyfriend SmokePurpp committing suicide, I don’t know who that was but good riddance.

Lil Pump will be remembered as a bandwagoner (someone who follows trends because they’re trendy) who follows a lot of stupid trends. Remember when it was cool to not wash your hair because it meant you were defiant of your parents’ orders? Well some people take it so far to the point where they develop fucking DREADLOCKS! He jumps on the bandwagon of putting Lil at the start of your rap name (there’s like 600 of those fags these days) as well as getting murdered. He also autotuned sex noises for his music, which is trendy.

As well as following trends, he set the trend of thinking it’s gangsta to wear Gucci, although this is because Lil Pump is yet another fag rapper with a sponsor, another dumb trend that he followed.

Apart from this, he’ll be remembered for his savage diss track “Fuck J. Cole” which featured some of the most brutal disses in hip-hop history and ended J. Cole’s career.

The assassination does not seem suspicious as it is considered perfectly normal to murder a rapper for NO REASON AT ALL in this day and age. It was reported that the murderer was a dumb prick who mistook the clown/rapper for his twin brother 6ix9ine, which would be stupid considering that 6ix9ine is clearly the smarter twin who actually might wash his hair once in a while despite the fact that he eats WAY too many Skittles and clearly NEVER brushes his teeth.

When the sketchy internet guys confirmed the death, tweets started flying through with family friends, drug dealers and other actors paying tribute to the rapper on Twitter.

Lil Pump now represents the Gucci Gang in heaven. With this fag off the face of the earth, no one will be wasting their money on an expensive fashion brand that has nothing to do with gangstas. The silly Gucci Gang era has finally come to an end.

Ja Rule tickets now on sale for just 50 cents!!! 200 tickets sold!!!

Do you wanna go a concert but feel held back by the fact that you’re an absolute cheapskate? Well good news for you, Ja Rule’s in town. On November 9, he will be performing at Arlington Stadium in Sydney, Australasia.

This concert is perfect for you if you are a cheapskate. A little known fact about cheapskates is that they tend to have bad tastes in music. Perfect!

Local rapper Kerser was first to get onto the tickets, as he wanted a front seat. He thought they were $100 each so he paid the money over. As no one else had bought tickets, and it was looking likely that no one would ever, he received 200 tickets rather than the $99.50 change he should have got.

With these tickets sold, the front rows are all sold out, so if you were hoping to get a front row seat to throw tomatoes at Ja Rule, you’re out of luck. Now that that thought is out of the picture, nobody wants to get tickets so it’s looking like Ja will be performing to an empty crowd (if that’s still a crowd), as even Kerser won’t be attending the gig after he was recently involved in a car crash.

As always, don’t take my word for it.

Kerser’s many secret children

Did you ever wonder if Western Sydney rapper Scott Barrow, better known by his rap alias Kerser, might possibly have kids? Well, on his most recent album Engraved In The Game, he did say something about a precious diamond. Whether that means he has a daughter or not, we’ve been able to locate a number of other kids who, thanks to CNN’s trustworthy genetics system, we have concluded to be children of the 31-year-old.

This intersex child named Richard is said to have been the product of Kerser’s love affair with personal trainer Michelle Bridges in 2006. When partner “Commando” Steve Willis found out, he stated that he didn’t mind and that he had three kids of his own before banging Michelle in 2013, according to trustworthy news website Wikipedia. The eleven year old is fortunate enough to have inherited Michelle’s buff-arse build rather than Kerser’s drug addict body, and now stands at 160 centimetres and a weight that we’re not going to risk asking, as we don’t know whether Dick is male or female–which we’re too afraid to ask, as any normal lad should be in this day and age.

Young rapper DJ Spuddzz has been confirmed to be the criminal rapper’s oldest child, as he was conceived in the winter of 2002 when Barrow, nearly fifteen at the time, produced his first single sperm. Named Charlie Champion at birth, the mother of this emerging rapper is unknown, as Wikipedia hasn’t published any stories about him yet, but it is said that he was born and raised in Blacktown, where he has been recently sighted. These days, he is famous for his itchy crotch which he rapped about for a WHOLE MINUTE in a Facebook rap video that went viral. This is said to be a genetic disorder from his father which makes it difficult to have children without getting AIDS in the process, making it unlikely that his daughter Nevaeh will ever get a sibling. He has also inherited other habits and disorders such as alcoholism, as shown in picture above where he’s trying to drink beer from a can balancing from the Brisbane Renegades hat he’s wearing. In the 2011 hit “You Know Me”, Kerser rapped the lyric “Twenty years from now, your kids knowin’ the name. My kids will have your kids goin’ insane”, and I can really imagine that DJ Spuddzz will be running the rap biz in 2031, when he’ll be 28, and I can imagine my kids going insane to his music when he raps about real problems like having itchy balls and not just bitches and gangstas and stolen cars.

Eight year old Justin Sider was most unfortunate to inherit his father’s skinny build and bad eyesight but was smart enough to wear glasses unlike his father. His mother Lillian Sider stated in a recent interview with CNN that she was raped by the raper in late 2009 while her husband was chasing him for stealing his dope. Prior to the interview, everyone thought Justin was the biological son of Lillian and her husband. Lillian never told her husband what really happened, as she planned to complain about it twenty years after the incident.

With the release of his Next Step album in 2015, Kerser was reported to have had a child with Tracy Grimshaw, who he savagely dissed in sum of his sick tracks!!! No pictures have been revealed but we have an artist’s impression of what the child should look like above.

But don’t take my word for it.

New candies Eminems and MGKs send the whole world into a craze

Editor’s note: This article is about American junk food so don’t feel like we’re being unAustralian by using the term “candy”.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably wondered at some point why your news feed is full of posts that use words you don’t understand like “Eminem” or “MGK”. Well it turns out that new candy brand MGK is beefing with legendary brand Eminem, who recently changed their name from M&M, which they were known as for a long time. The beef started back in 1997 when MGK called one of M&M’s workers Hailie “hot as fuck”. But before we go into detail, you might need to know some stuff about both brands.

Eminem is an award winning candy brand from Mars that was established during medieval times under the name M&M, which took after the initials of Marshall Mathers, the founder of the company. Skip forward to the twenty-first century when worker Slim Shady suggested that they should change their name to Eminem because “good companies always have actual words in their brand names” as he said in a posthumous interview with CNN. In 2009, M&M changed their brand name in respect to the late worker who committed suicide in 2004 during the curtains down stage of an encore.

MGK is a more recent brand that was established in 1990 but didn’t get much recognition until 2018 when Eminems were being dropped by some surprise kamikaze pilot who called out MGK. Three days later, Kelly the Rap Devil fired at Eminem with his machine gun. Nearly two weeks later, Eminem dropped their new product KILLSHOT, which sold 38 MILLION units within a DAY!!! Apparently it’s some kind of trap, and others say that it’s fire, but to me it just tastes like regular Eminems.

Based on these wicked facts, Eminem must have won the beef – although it is extremely odd that a candy brand would have “beef” with each other, especially since their products are basically vegan friendly – but we can only wait to see what MGK brings for us in the future.

Don’t take my word for it.